In the words of poet Robert Frost, "You've got to love what's lovable and hate what's hateable. It takes brains to see the difference." I'd like to add to that idea by saying it takes courage to stay away from the wrong people.

Most of you who know me are aware that I don't work with people who are unkind. People can be demanding, critical, tough to please, even grouchy - that's okay with me ... as long as they are truthful and kind.

Kindness is such an old-fashioned, Pollyanna word - rather unique when applied to a high-powered world or a high-tech work place. Nevertheless, I suggest you give kindness a higher rating of importance.

Love kind people

- that's my Valentine Message for '95.

Question: Dear Arynne, How do you manage to stay in touch with so many people? You freely give out your phone and Email numbers and I know you respond. How?

Answer: I guess I want to - or perhaps I need to. I deeply enjoy the spotlight and the praise and the sense of being truly helpful; it's what I work for.

You've heard me say, "Compliments will get you everywhere with me" and that's no joke ... that's me. I perceive that asking for my help or for my thinking on a subject is the highest form of praise. I feel blessed when my talents are used and respected.

So I stay up as late as necessary to answer letters, email, etc.
Those who know me well, know I tend to overdo everything, so don't do it my way unless you need people to like you the way I do. But I have a few bits of practical advice to share. Keeping up with friends is very important. And friendships are kept in good condition only by staying in touch - at a bare minimum of 6 times a year - with calls, notes, helpful articles, and conversation. Christmas cards are not enough! I urge you to find simple ways to reach out; don't be too busy.
I keep pretty postcards and stamps on my desk and probably send out 5 of those a day. Some of them only say - "Thinking of you" or something like that. I also keep stamped and addressed envelopes open on my desk to about a dozen special friends. When I read an article or have a photo that might interest one of these people I add it to their envelope. When the envelope gets fat enough, I slip in a tiny note and send it off. I decided years ago with certain special people to keep the relationship moving even if it's only in one direction for most of the year. With some people you don't keep score.
Successful gardeners have a trick of selecting four national holidays like New Years Day, St. Patrick's Day, Memorial Day and Labor Day, and use these days for deep feeding of the entire garden. If you expect your relationships to blossom, I suggest you follow a similar routine for friendship.