1. Set goals that are totally unrealistic -- perhaps include one that might have been suggested by your parents when you were 10 years old. Don't overlook an idea you fantasized while watching TV or reading W or GQ.. Use research to reinforce the reality base on which these goals are set so that you can defend them glibly to challengers. (People who challenge your goals will not be among the friends you should make --see # 3 below.)

2. Think about your every goal very often, especially as you are falling asleep to insure a bad night¹s sleep. (After all you can always work in the middle of the night.) But definitely do NOT write any goal down nor make a clear set of objectives. If you ever do write a goal down be sure to choose a bit of small scrap paper ­ never a notebook. Select a pencil that is blunt and of very soft lead so it will be sure to smudge.

3. Cultivate friendships with communicative neurotics and be sure to surround yourself with talkers rather than with doers. These friendships will be based on applauding mutually for each other and encouraging each other no matter how hair-brained the idea. A few friends with problems like divorces or weak digestive systems can use up a lot of your time. Hopefully your best new friends will enjoy using the telephone to keep in touch with your progress and keep you updated on their daily frustrations and pains. Look for these friends among people who complain about how they are ill-treated and overlooked or how stupid most other people are: these will turn out to be the kind of relationships that can work best for you as you struggle to fail.

4. Never start a day's work without cleaning your desk, organizing your work area, or moving some piece of equipment to make things more efficient. Be creative about emptying waste baskets, sharpening pencils, learning another software shortcut -- all are great activities for taking up almost 1/3 of a day or more. Other things you can do are to redesign your business cards, think up a better logo, or rewrite your web pages entirely.

5. Your desire to achieve the ultimate in an organized environment and schedule can be put to work for you in this quest for failure. Immediately begin to update addresses into a new software package, attempt to achieve a paperless office, start getting rid of filing cabinets and looking for ways to keep everything on your computer. Then tack up reminders to tell you which computer file to check each day: make back-up discs and hard copies of calendars so you'll never worry about losing your Organizer Book. This is a good time to Xerox all your credit cards and copy those into your Visor. While you're at it, go to a department store to buy a new wallet that is on sale, and reorganize your credit cards and other handbag or pocket items. Again, use your creative ability to keep busy getting organized.

6. Remember that you promised to do some good for the community. This is the perfect time to call to volunteer for a few committees and then try to get elected to a Board of Directors where there may be some excellent networking contacts. Be sure to hang around networking organizations so that you use people and let them use you -- but beware of building any really productive relationships with people up the ladder of success. The losers are sure to think you are great.

7. A few more subscriptions to magazines and newsletters will keep you informed with how other managers are getting their work accomplished. These are full of ideas that can be clipped, scanned, or filed for future reference. Subscribe to Martha Stewart¹s Magazine or GQ and read every article.

8. Keep plenty of reading material with you at all times because writing things down is not what you're planning to do any time soon. (See item #1.) This may be the year to buy one of those special slicing tools (Tiffany has a silver one) so that all your clippings can be neat and ready for filing or scanning.

9. Cultivate an exotic hobby like wine collecting, bonsai, or update lists of the new recommended restaurants and vow to try a new one each week. Don't forget to keep a record of how you enjoyed the ambiance and the food. Wine labels can be soaked off the bottles. You might want to keep records of films and books you see and a few comments about each. A new diet or fitness program will work best if you make it your number one priority. So with that goal as first and most important, shift all other goals into the new priority order. If you have already made the error of writing these goals down, you will now need to rewrite them in the new order.

10. Buy your Christmas and New Year's Cards on sale and address them way ahead of time. Start a Christmas Card list and keep it current each and every day.