There was a time when, giving a speech, I focused on the most resistant members of an audience. You know, the ones with the folded arms or crossed legs, never smiling, hardly saying a word or taking a single note. I felt the need to "win them over" to prove my ability as a speaker and trainer.

Over the years, I¹ve learned that some people don¹t want to be won over. So one day I decided that would be okay with me. And now I focus on the folks who are eager to learn.

Now my attention goes to the audience members who are responsive and show it by smiling, nodding, taking notes, asking questions and laughing at my stories. This method gives me a lot more sparkle when I work, it bolsters my confidence and makes the cooperative participants feel appreciated, too.

And guess what? By the end of my sessions, most of the tough nuts have been cracked: I discover that even tough nuts want to join the party. But these are fiercely independent people who want to listen and learn in their own way and on their own schedules. They don't want someone else to do the cracking.

So I just do my thing and let the negative ones come along when they are ready.

This method can be equally valid with members of your staff or team. Some people inside your organization can be real "tough nuts," "stick-in-the muds," "fuddy-duddies," or "old-timers who don't want to support a change, improvement or new process." They are resistant at first and will stay resistant longer if they¹re pushed, prodded, nagaged, or coerced.

What should you do? Should you work extra hard to win them over? I suggest otherwise.

Instead of focusing on the few who don't want to support new ideas, I would recommend that you focus on those who are enthusiastic, helpful, optimistic about change, and generally inclined to make new ideas work.

Think about the benefits of putting energy into the positive members of your team. It comes back to you quickly with enthusiastic support, creative ideas, initiative, and productivity. Every ounce of effort you put into the "tough nuts" gets you what? A worn-out nut cracker. So relax, and let the resistant ones get with the program when they are good and ready. The less you insist, the sooner they¹ll be ready.

Here's an example: A prestigious hospital asked me to help improve the behavior of the nurses and doctors in the intensive care unit. There were over fifty professionals on the team, but the senior members of the hospital staff were most concerned with eight staff members who had grown negative and reluctant to change.

I studied the situation carefully and recommended they ignore those people who were unwilling or uninterested in change. Instead, I convinced the leadership to concentrate all efforts on updating and polishing the skills of team members who were eager to learn. The negative people would be invited to class but no one insisted they come. A few came drifting in but never really joined the discussions or seemed to learn a single thing. Despite the fact that some of them talked against me and and the techniques I had taught, the management followed through on the plan to let the scene play out the way it did.

And within a few minutes, five of the most resistant ones saw the light. They began to contribute ideas and participate in class. They began to tell the others about what they had learned, and as active team members they used some of the new methods. No one made a fuss nor paid attention to the significantly changed attitudes they displayed.

One of the other holdouts quit in anger to work elsewhere. At first that caused some ruffled feathers because she had been a valued member of the team. Frankly I was relieved that she was not around to bad-mouth my suggestions. But within a few months there was gossip that she had been trying to convince her new bosses to supply training. She had even recommended that I be chosen to lead a class in Change Management.

In life, whether with employees, clients, customers or family members, there are those who will enthusiastically listen, learn, and cooperate. Others will not, at least not when you want them to.

Arynne SIMON SAYS:
o Focus on the positive by knowing which of your people are most open to change and helpful in bringing new plans to fruition.
o Tell them how much you appreciate their efforts and support.
o Don't give the tough nuts any more attention than they require.

In time, without being coerced, even the negative people will join the positive crowd or they will leave, in which case you'll have a better and more cohesive team to work with.